The Twisted Town
by Hoverbike Girl
Summary: Longing for excitement, a boy named Marty takes a trip on a train to visit a tropical town. But a deranged cat shoves him off the train, and he finds himself in a village known as Insanity. Will he survive? Has been discontinued until further notice.
1. The Story Begins

**Animal Crossing**

**_The Twisted Town_**

By Hoverbike Girl

Hello, everyone! Hoverbike Girl here with an old story I thought up a long time ago! This is my first Animal Crossing humor fic, and I hope everybody enjoys it! There may be gaps between the funny scenes, but it's crazy all the same. Now for my disclaimer.

**_Disclaimer: _**I do not own Animal Crossing; Nintendo does. The town of Dayton is my real AC town. I also made up the news channel. I created Insanity; it's just pure coincidence if anyone else has a town with that name. I own the characters of Insanity…sort of. They're spoofs of the real characters. Does that count? Oh yeah, and Marty is mine; he's a human player in my town.

One last note and then on with the story: this was written before AC: Wild World came out, so many things from the original will still be in it. I'll try to add more ACWW things into it of course!

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Chapter #1: The Story Begins

**Friday**

**8:00 AM**

**Acre B-3, Dayton**

The morning sun shone brightly on the small village of Dayton. Birds chirped and one of the inhabitants, being a rooster, got up early and crowed. And in a little house by the town's train station, an alarm clock rang.

The eyes of a young brown-haired boy snapped open when he heard the sound of ringing close by his right ear. He reached over and pressed the "Alarm OFF" button on the cube clock sitting on a modern end table next to his bed. He covered his head with his blanket to protect his eyes from the sunlight streaming through his bedside window.

"Aw, man. 8:00 already?" he mumbled. He threw off his blanket and put his bare feet onto the modern tile floor. Cool, as always. He stood up out of his modern bed and stretched his arms with a groan and a yawn. "Marty Taylor, ya need to quit staying up 'till 11:00 playing NES games," he said to, well, whom else but himself?

After making his bed, Marty groggily trudged down the stairs into his living room/kitchen and ate some cereal that he kept in a green pantry. When he was finished, he searched in his modern wardrobe for something to wear. Deciding that he would look good in the Big Bro's Shirt, he switched his mint gingham for it. With a bored sigh he plopped down onto his modern sofa to watch TV. With a remote he had specially ordered from Tom Nook, he turned on his widescreen TV and surfed the numerous channels for something interesting. Channel 8 was just starting its morning news edition, so he stayed there.

When the corny news theme was finished, the grinning news anchor, a yellow Labrador with a silly-looking wig, said, "Good morning, animals! This is Buddy Barnes and my co-anchor, Daisy Diggins, for Gator 8 News! (A/N: Daisy Diggins isn't the same Daisy you meet in the game.) Before we begin, Gator 8 has an important announcement: there will be no weather predictions today. Our weatherman, Benny Barkster, was chased out of town by an angry mob of animals armed with torches and pitchforks. The crowd claimed that his predictions were 100 guesswork, with no data backing him up. They chased Barkster out last night because—"

Daisy interrupted him. "Because_ he predicted **snow in the middle of May!**_" She busted out laughing. Buddy glared at her, but he started laughing, too. The message "We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please wait." appeared on the TV screen.

Marty was also laughing hard. "What a _goofball!"_ he managed to gasp as he fell to the floor, clutching his sides. In the middle of his fit, the satellite had interference, and the screen became static. "Aw man!" he said for the second time that day. The boy slammed his fist on the side of the television, but nothing changed.

"Great, the TV's busted. Now I've got nuthin' to do," he said to himself. "None of the villagers have any errands, the fossil collection in the museum is complete, and it's not the right time of the season for the insects I need to catch for my collection." Just then he heard the train whistle, and it gave him an idea. "I'll take a trip! Better pack my stuff before it leaves!"

He walked over to the two modern tables sitting to the left of the door. On the tables were his main tools: shovel, axe, net, and fishing rod. The bumbershoot he used for rainy days was to the right of the door. He picked up his shovel and rubbed one finger against the metal tip before tucking it into his pockets, the other tools and his bumbershoot following after. Then he went back into his room to grab the slingshot he kept on the end table by his bed and raced out of his house. He quickly left a note tacked to his door that said he was taking a train trip. Then he jogged over to the train station, where Porter stood.

"Hello there, Marty! Planning on taking a trip, ook ook?" he asked.

_Duh, _thought Marty. But he only answered, "Yup! Where's the train goin' today?"

"We're going to Tropica, a town near the beach!"

"Great! That sounds ideal!" Marty ran into the passenger car before Porter could say another word. He found a seat in the back just when the train began moving. When the locomotive's chugging settled into a deep rhythm, the boy laid his head onto the back of the seat. He pulled his cap over his eyes and settled down for a nap.

_Little did he know what was in store for him…_

_

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_So, whaddya think of it? Funny so far? I hope so. Anyway, I own Buddy Barnes, Daisy Diggins, and Benny Barkster. Pweeeze review, and if you didn't like this, be creative with your flame! Oh, and the funnier parts are coming soon! 


	2. A Trip Gone Wrong

Chapter #2: A Trip Gone Wrong

**10:00 AM **

**The Animal Crossing Express**

**Destination: Tropica, Animal Crossing**

Marty found himself being shaken awake during his nap. When he turned to his right, he saw his old buddy Rover the cat.

"Hiya, Marty! Good to see ya!" Rover cheerfully greeted him before sitting down next to the boy.

"Oh, hi, Rover. Long time no see," Marty returned the greeting.

"You goin' to Tropica? So am I!" the cat said before Marty could answer. He had a habit (some think of it as a bad habit) of guessing the destinations of train passengers. What made it a bad habit was that he often got the town wrong! But, luckily for the feline, he was right this time.

"Yup. I just thought it was high time for a little vacation," replied Marty. "You're going there too?"

"Uh huh! Even I settle down in some places, though not for very long! Tropica is the perfect place for some R&R!"

The two of them sat and talked about things like the turnip market and construction of new towns. Marty had just told Rover about the hilarious news edition when the train stopped for coal about halfway to Tropica. Some animals stepped off the train while others climbed on. Then Rover decided to go into town to talk with some of his friends before the train left. A few minutes later, the cat returned with a strange, almost creepy grin on his face.

Rover, still grinning, turned to Marty and said, "Hi there! May I sit here? I promise I won't fall asleep and drool on your shirt."

Marty wanted to say, "What's the matter, Rover? You lost your mind or somethin'?", but he didn't. Instead, he cocked one eyebrow and said cautiously, "You okay, Rover?"

The cat's expression didn't change. He just sat down next to Marty and said, "Thanks! It's good to know there are plenty of nice people in the world! By the way, what's your name?"

Marty knew all about Rover's guessing habit, but nobody had ever mentioned memory loss! "Uumm…don't you remember? I'm Marty, one of your best buddies?"

"Hmm…Marty…that's one odd name! But my opinion doesn't matter. Do _you _like the name Marty?"

Marty lost his temper. "Of _course _I do! I can't believe you don't remember my name! You called it unique when we first met! Have you lost your memory?"

Rover just ignored him. "So, where are you headed?"

"I told you almost 15 minutes ago, tuna brain! I'm going to Tropica!"

"Insanity? I _love _that place!"

Marty didn't know that Insanity was the name of a town at the time, so he thought that Rover really _had _lost his marbles!

"_You're _insane, ya know that?" The boy stood up and stomped away from Rover out of the car onto the train's caboose. He folded his arms and stared at the train tracks, trying hard to calm down and find a reason for the cat's weird behavior. Suddenly he heard footsteps and looked up. His eyes widened when he saw that it was Rover. He hadn't heard the door open, so how was he out here?

"Hey, Marty, I'm back!" Rover called out. When he saw the confused look on Marty's face, he asked, "What's the matter?"

"I thought I saw you in the train car. He kept asking the questions you said when we first met, and he thinks I'm headed for a supposed town called Insanity."

Rover's smile disappeared, and he groaned. "Oh no. Not him."

The train had started moving again, so Marty had to shout. "What? You know this guy?"

"Unfortunately, yes. His name's Drover, and he's been mimicking me ever since we met."

"Drover? Dumb name for a cat."

"Many people have met him and mistaken him for me. Because of his stupidity, my reputation is terrible!"

Suddenly the door opened, and the cat called Drover walked through; he was _still _grinning! "Hey, Marty, I just wanted to remind you that we're passing Insanity, and you're gonna miss it! And did I tell you that I love that place?"

"I'm going to _Tropica_, **not **_Insanity!"_ shouted Marty.

Completely ignoring Rover, Drover walked up to the boy and said louder, "You're going to miss your stop!"

"_Leave me alone!" _was the reply.

Then the idiotic cat did something unexpected: _he shoved Marty off the platform!_ As he fell, he could hear the dumb cat's voice saying, "Welcome to Insanity, and enjoy your stay! _Mwhahahahahahahahahaaa!_ …Meow."

The boy made contact with the ground, and started rolling uncontrollably down a steep slope. After crying "ouch" at least ten times, he came to rest in a thick gathering of trees. He sat up with a loud groan and checked to see if anything was broken. Miraculously, he only had a few cuts and bruises. He stood up and looked up the hill from where he had come. There was no going back up it, he knew for certain.

"If I ever lay eyes on that dipstick cat again, he'll see how much _he _likes it when _he _gets thrown off a train going at least 40 miles an hour!" Marty grumbled. The image of Drover falling down the hill made him smile, but not for long. Overcome with frustration, he sighed and said, "So much for a vacation."

Seeing only one way to go, he marched through the trees until he made out a small trail leading away from the train tracks. The path looked very old and rarely used. Marty barely cared, just so long as it led to civilization. He continued following it, and it finally led to a large archway with the red letters "Welcome to Insanity" on the top. The boy then realized that the town Drover had talked about was real.

_I hope it has a train station, _Marty thought.

An old wooden gate blocked the entrance, but Marty just climbed over it and trotted on down the path, hoping that he could find his way back home or to Tropica.

_But he didn't notice the sign written on the gate that read:_

"_**Notice: **_This town has been closed to due to the loss of sanity in the leaders of Insanity, hence its name. Only the mentally ill and the eccentric are allowed to reside here. All other villagers must **never **enter here or they may just be _driven **insane** by the villagers and be exiled to this residence **forever!**_ (Written by the Animal Crossing Department of Safety and the Animal Crossing Mental Illness Association.)

Two words could sum up the situation Marty was unknowingly walking into: _uh oh.

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_

Pretty silly, no? Tell me what you think, and be specific if it's a flame! Anyway, I own Drover the cat. **(imitation of Porky Pig)** T-t-that's all, folks! 


	3. Welcome to Insanity

**Author's Note: **I've made Insanity a little different than other towns for the story's sake. The train station lies outside of the actual town. Also, the mayor has a house by the beach. That's it for now!

* * *

Chapter #3: Welcome to Insanity

**11:00 AM**

**Insanity, Animal Crossing**

Marty whistled a quiet tune as he strolled down the path to Insanity. He instantly stopped whistling and gaped at what he saw.

The village was certainly different than any other town he had visited. It had a town square by the entrance, which was made up of the regular Wishing Well, the town hall, and some gardens. The area was entirely paved with cobblestone (except for the garden patches, of course), and the stone split into three other paths. The path to the left led to some shops, the right led to the police station and another, taller building painted white. The final pathway led behind the town hall into some more forest.

But what disturbed Marty most was that the entire place was silent; not even birds were singing. It gave the square an eerie feeling—a feeling that he didn't like one bit. He desperately wanted to break the stillness, and he did by calling out.

"H-hello?" he called timidly. "Is anyone here?"

There was no answer.

Marty gulped and rubbed his arms nervously. He was beginning to regret coming this way. Why hadn't he gone _up _the path toward the train tracks instead! He walked up to the Wishing Well and stared into the water. To his amazement, there were hundreds of coins—pennies, dimes, nickels, quarters, and even dollar coins—at the bottom.

_These villagers must have a lot of wishes…if there **are **any,_ Marty thought.

Suddenly he heard a voice, or the wind was playing tricks on him. "Hello!" it called over and over. "Hello! Over here!"

Marty turned and saw the first animal inhabitant he had seen in Insanity: a raccoon who looked very much like Tom Nook. For a moment the boy thought that it _was_ Nook, but then he noticed that his suit was green, not blue. (A/N: Tom wears a blue business suit when you upgrade his store to "Nookington's".) He was running up the path that led to the shopping district.

"Hello there, stranger!" he said as he stopped in front of Marty. "Welcome to Insanity, home of Crook's Cranny! I'm the owner, Tom Crook! Glad to meet you! We don't get many travellers in these parts." He pumped the boy's hand vigorously as he talked.

"Uhh…I'm Marty." Marty was hesitant to say anymore, because this coon acted like one of those travelling salesmen that tricked you into buying some cheap, breaks-soon-after-you-buy-it item.

"Marty! An interesting name! Well, my friend, it appears that you are lost."

"You might say that. I just wanted to take a vacation and some idiot cat had to ruin it for me. Now I'm stuck here with no food or a place to stay, unless there's a hotel around here somewhere."

"No hotels here, unfortunately, since they wouldn't make much money. But I think I can arrange something with the mayor. We both own some houses (well, actually, he owns the land and I sell the houses), and we let stranded people like yourself stay in them until they leave or decide to stay forever. Most of them like our town and stay, but you look like you want to go home straight away. Well, then, follow me!"

The shopkeeper ran away up the square's middle path into the forest, and Marty rushed to keep up. They ran on for what seemed like hours through endless woods and eventually came out onto a calm beach with seashells scattered all over the sand. A small, grassy spit of land stretched out into the sea, and two buildings were on it—a tall white lighthouse and a small wooden shack.

Crook trotted up to the house and knocked on the door. A voice called from inside, telling him to wait a second. Marty breathed a sigh of relief; he knew that accented voice well. But when the mayor opened the door, he realized that the voice had a different owner.

Like Tortimer, whom Marty had mistaken him for because of his voice, he was an old tortoise. But he was different in many ways. Frizzy white hair stuck out from under his bowler hat, and when he smiled, the boy saw he was missing a few teeth. If he had slipped on a lab coat, Marty would've mistaken him for a mad scientist instead of a mayor. There was also a terrible odor surrounding him, and Marty was afraid to ask what it was.

"Howdy thar, Crook! Who's yer friend?" the mayor said. Now that Marty saw and heard him up close, he didn't sound too much like Tortimer at all.

"This is Marty, Mr. Mayor! I found him at the town square. He says he's lost. Do you think he can stay in one of our houses?" Crook said to him.

"Yes, yes. I thank thar's one vacancy in the human houses."

"No no," the raccoon corrected him, "that one was taken a while back. Remember Daniel, that other kid?"

"Oh yeah, dat's right. Well, dat was the last one. Tough luck. Unless the kid would like to stay in Buck's place. It sits right by Danny's house. I doubt it though."

Marty finally spoke up. "Um, excuse me, Mr. Mayor, but, why do you think I wouldn't want to live with Buck?"

"It's 'cause he's the crackpot of the town! Har har har!" the mayor guffawed. "We've got 'im locked up at the moment, so he's not much of a threat. Would ya want to stay with an insane person, son?"

Marty didn't believe him. He had met Buck long ago, and they had been great buds. He refused to believe that Buck had gone crazy. _He may be a nut in _their_ eyes, but he's not in **mine!**_ he thought to himself.

"No," he said slowly. "No I wouldn't. But…how long is he gonna stay in jail?"

"Fer about two more weeks," answered the tortoise.

"Well, why don't I just stay in his house until he's let out? And if he wants me to stay with him, I'll do that until I leave."

Tom Crook nodded his head in approval. "That's not a bad plan. But you're also going to need some money for a train ticket out of here. I'll bet you don't have any."

Marty slapped himself. "Nope! I left my wallet on the train!"

"Well, you can work for _me _to earn enough money. I could use a good employee," Crook said with a smile.

The boy sighed; how many times did he have to go through with this arrangement! "I guess…"

"Great! Let's go to my store, then!"

"Hold it, Crookster!" said the mayor. "We need Buck's permission to let Marty stay in his house. Take the kid to see 'im, and then you can put 'im to work."

Crook's face fell and he said disappointedly, "Fine."

He and Marty walked back the way they had come. As they reached the town square, Marty decided to ask a question.

"Hey, Crook, what's the mayor's name? And what's with that smell in his house?"

"His name is Tootimer." Marty fought to stifle a laugh. "And the smell…well, most of it is his chili cooking. That's all he eats."

"What's the rest of it?"

Crook hesitated before answering, "Methane."

The human wrinkled his nose and said nothing. Now he knew why the mayor was called Tootimer. He vowed to never walk into his house. He shrugged and walked on.

So far, Insanity wasn't exactly living up to its name in Marty's thoughts. The only insane person here was Tootimer (although they said Buck had gone nuts, Marty didn't include him just yet.) So, if only the mayor was crazy, what was so insane about Insanity?

_Unfortunately, he was going to find out very soon._

_

* * *

_Geez, don't these cliffhangers get annoying after a while? Sorry, but I had to stop here! But the hilarity is just beginning! Here's a sneak peek: Marty meets Insanity's two policemen, but they're not Copper and Booker; their names are Stopper and Cooker! I'll disclaim them in the next chapter. Speaking of disclaiming, I own Tom Crook and Tootimer (sorry if he's a bit sick instead of funny). 


	4. The Police Station

Finally I have Chapter 4 done! Sorry, readers! I was out of ideas for this fanfic! Anyway, I own Daniel, the boy who lives in Insanity, Stopper, and Cooker. There may be others. I also added a basement to the police station so there would be room for a jail.

* * *

Chapter #4: The Police Station

**Friday**

**11:30 AM**

**Police Station, Insanity**

Tom Crook led Marty back through the forest to the small police station. Strangely enough, smells of food were coming from the building. A dog that looked a lot like Copper was standing by the entrance. Upon seeing them he stepped in front of the station's door and held out one paw to stop them.

"Halt! Stop right there! State your business, Crook!" he said in a commanding tone.

"Good morning to you too, Stopper," said the raccoon.

Marty slapped his forehead when he heard the dog's name. "Oh brother. Does everybody have such crazy names here?" he muttered to himself.

"Halt! Are you looking for an item in the lost-and-found? We don't have any! So be off! This is a secret facility!"

"No, we're here to see Buck the horse," replied Crook calmly.

"Halt! Who? Never heard of him!"

"My friend Marty knows him, and he wants to speak to him about a special mission to defeat the Cat Army."

Marty looked at Crook like he had gone crazy. Crook gave him the "trust me" look, and the boy said nothing.

Stopper seemed impressed by Crook's bluff. "Halt! Defeating the Cat Army! In that case, follow me, but don't touch anything!" He walked inside the police station, and the raccoon and human followed him.

Inside, Marty found out where the food smells were coming from. The lost-and-found had been turned into a kitchen, and a bulldog wearing an apron over his uniform was stirring something on a stove. When he saw the visitors, he quickly took it off and put his police hat back on.

"Hi, want something to eat?" he asked them.

Stopper scolded, "Halt! Cooker, you're supposed to say, 'Halt! State your business!' Quit messing up!"

"Cooker" nodded his head up and down and stuttered, "Yes sir, sorry sir! I mean…halt! Yes sir, sorry sir!" He saluted as he said "halt".

Stopper grunted and walked over to a door in the back of the station. It opened to reveal a stairway leading down to a basement. As he shut the door behind him and the visitors, the dog said, "Halt. Recruits…always so clumsy."

When the stairs finally ended, Marty found himself in a jail. There were eight cells—four on one side and four on the other. Stopper stopped (sorry about that) in front of one of them and opened the door.

"Halt. I'll give you as long as you need to discuss your mission with Buck. But try to be quick!" said Stopper. He opened the cell door. Inside was Buck playing a sad tune on a banjo. When the horse saw the boy, he jumped up in astonishment.

"Marty! Whaddya doin' here, pardner?" he said with his Western accent.

Marty stepped inside the cell, and the door clanged shut. He shuddered slightly at the sound. He then proceeded to answer Buck's question. "Some idiotic cat named Drover threw me off the train on my way to Tropica for a vacation."

"_What! _That happened to me too!" exclaimed the horse.

"It _did?" _The boy was just as surprised.

"Yeah! Pretty freaky, huh, pardner?"

"I'll say. Anyway, the mayor said I could stay in your house if it's okay with you. It'll just be 'till I can get a train ticket outta this weird place."

"Sure, I don't mind! If ya don't mind, pardner, could ya earn some money to bail me out and get us both outta here? Oh yeah, and there's one kid I befriended; his name's Daniel, but he likes bein' called Danny by his pals. He's another pardner o' mine, an' he wants out too. Maybe y'all can work together?"

"I don't see why not," replied the boy.

"Thanks, pardner!"

Marty knocked on the cell door to tell Stopper he was finished. The dog opened and closed the door, and he led Crook and Marty out of the station.

"Well now that that's taken care of, let's get to work!" said Tom Crook eagerly.

"Hold on, Crook! I want to get settled in first! And I wanna meet that other kid, Daniel."

"Oh, all right. But make it snappy! No more than ten minutes!" the raccoon warned him before running off to his store.

Marty just shrugged and walked off to Acre B-3, the place where he hoped he would meet Buck's human friend.


	5. Meeting Danny

Chapter #5: Meeting Danny

**Friday**

**11:45 AM**

**Acre B-3, Insanity**

Marty easily found the human houses, but he had no idea which one Danny was living in. He first knocked on the door of the upper-left house. An old cat wearing glasses answered the door with a shotgun in his hand.

"Freeze, canine, or I'll blow you to kingdom come!" he screeched.

Marty held up his hands. "Dude, I'm not a dog! I'm a human! Somethin' must be wrong with your eyes! I'm just lookin' for Daniel, the kid that lives in this acre!"

"That kid! He's a spy for the Dog Army! An' ya can't fool me with that human costume, mutt! Git outta here or I'll blow yer head off!"

Marty darted away with the cat at his heels. The old feline stopped chasing him when they came to the police station. After catching his breath, the boy ventured back into the acre but this time knocked on the door of the upper-right house. For a while he just stood there, waiting for someone to answer.

Then he spotted a wolf peeking out of the second-story window. The wolf looked over his shoulder and shouted, "Git the stove cookin', honey! A juicy one's at the door!"

Marty's eyes widened in horror, and he quickly ran out of the acre and hid in a tree. Even when the two wolves passed by him, he didn't attempt to climb out. He didn't even move.

He sat up there for several minutes before he heard a voice. "Hey! What're you doin' up there?" He didn't answer. Then the voice said, "Relax, Max and Sweetie are gone. They won't eat you."

Marty climbed down the tree and found a human waiting at the bottom. He was about his age and wore a No. 1 shirt. "Hey, are you Danny?" he asked.

Danny looked surprised that this stranger knew his name. "Yeah. Who are you?"

"Marty."

The two boys shook hands. "Nice to meet ya," Danny said. "Feels like I haven't seen another human in years. Why don't we go into my house for a bit?"

"Sure, but only for a while. I've gotta get to Crook's shop for my work."

Danny gave him a worried look. "Crook? You're working for him?"

"Yeah. I need some money if I'm ever gonna get outta here. By the way, Buck said you wanted out too. Maybe we could work together to bail him out and scram?"

The part about working for Crook made Danny hesitate for a bit, but finally he replied, "I'll do it. First, why don't we have a small chat down in my place?" Marty happily agreed.

Danny's house turned out to be the lower-right one, and they went inside. It was upgraded one level, and it was quite spacious. The only furniture were a pineapple bed, a teacher's desk and chair, a retro TV, an alarm clock, and a CD player that had no music in it. The house had both ranch carpet and wallpaper.

"Not a bad place," Marty commented, thinking about his own home with a small pang of homesickness.

Danny shrugged. "It's the best I could do; Crook's items are total rip-offs, and the best stuff he's got are way beyond my money's reach."

"That's why you looked upset about me workin' for him?"

"That's only half of it. Pull up a chair and I'll answer your questions about the villagers."

Marty did just that and asked Danny to start with how he came to Insanity. He wasn't too surprised when the boy said a cat named Drover had shoved him off the train he was on; he had been living in Insanity ever since.

"Most people turn tail and run whenever they see the sign on the gate. I was here when they posted it."

Marty became confused. "Sign? What sign?"

"You didn't see it? It says that the villagers in this town are insane, and it's likely that if you stay here you'll go crazy too."

Marty slapped his forehead. "Oh great."

"But you're better off now that you're with me. Most animals go nuts long before I get to warn them. Now that that's done, which animals do you want to hear about first?"

The boy went deep into thought for a moment. "How about Tootimer and Crook?"

"I'm glad you picked those two, 'cause they're the most important. Tootimer doesn't need much explaining; he was mayor long before this place became a sanctuary for the insane. In fact, he may be the reason why that happened. Anyway, he has a love for chili, so he lives up to his name after eating a bunch of it, especially with tons of beans."

Both boys wrinkled their noses. "Blech," said Marty.

"I second that," agreed Danny. "Now, on to Crook. He's not as crazy as some others around here; he's actually pretty smart."

"Then why is he here?"

"Well, every now and then some policemen will come and talk to him. Buck heard them once, and he told me that Crook had been arrested and convicted of shoplifting, stealing from rivaling companies, and robbing banks."

Marty's eyes widened. "Whoa! That's a lot! No wonder you're concerned about me working for him!"

"The police sent him here to learn a lesson, and they said that so far he's improved. But I can't help but get the feeling he's stealing behind their backs. Some stuff goes missing every week."

The two of them shuddered. Then Danny looked at the clock and groaned; fifteen minutes had passed. They hurried out of the house to the shop, where they saw Crook standing there with his arms folded, tapping one foot in impatience.

"Well, it's about time!" he said. "I thought you wouldn't show! No more dilly-dallying! It's time for work!"

Danny decided it was time for him to leave. "Talk to you later!" he said. With a good-bye wave he ran into the forest to find a job to do.

Tom Crook grunted and looked sternly at Marty. "Don't be late again, or I'll make you work extra!"

"Yes sir!" replied the boy with a salute. "It won't happen again, sir!"

"Good. I like a punctual person. Now, first things first." He pulled out a black work uniform that had a dollar sign instead of Tom Nook's apple trademark. Marty put it on, and then the storekeeper gave him several bags of seeds. "I need you to plant some flowers around my shop. It'll give it more life, more color. Now get to work!" He turned on his heel and went back into the store, leaving his employee slightly afraid and disgusted at the raccoon's rudeness.

Marty sighed and said to himself, "Marty, old boy, welcome to shopkeeping boot camp. This is going to be one tough job."

* * *

Oh boy, looks like Marty's gonna have a rough time with his job. Anyway, I made up the old cat with the gun (I'm working on his name), Max, and Sweetie; they're mine. And if there are any animals named that in the game, they're not the same ones. Bye now! 


	6. Of Chores and Pelicans Part 1

Hey, everybody! I'm back with Chapter 6! Finally! Sorry, but writer's block was really giving me a hard time with this story. Anyway, I don't want this chapter to be boring (with the usual chores Tom Nook gives you), so I'm going to try something I've never dived into before: random humor. Not only will the villagers be out of their minds, but also very random things will start happening to Marty (most of them involving pain). If you end up not liking this chapter because it's too weird, _please_ review me. I want to know if the readers like this new addition.

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Chapter #6: Of Chores and Pelicans Part 1

After shaking off his thoughts about his employer, Marty checked his bottomless pockets for the seeds and saplings Crook had given him. He came up with six seed bags and three saplings. He studied the land surrounding the store to see where he should plant the flowers. All around him were trees, both regular trees and cedars. Quite a few weeds grew in their shade—Crook had probably missed them. But there were no flowers.

A chirping sound made the boy look up, and he smiled at the tiny bluebird that had landed on the branch of a pine nearby. He silently listened to its cheery song; then suddenly a pineapple fell off a higher branch and crushed the bird flat.

_Weird,_ thought Marty. _I thought pineapples don't grow on trees…especially not on pines._

Shaking his head at the freaky trees, he opened the bags of seeds and planted them all around Crook's Cranny. Strangely, even though the picture on the bags showed a tulip, all the flowers looked entirely different; the leaves were hinged and had teeth-like blades on the ends. A fly buzzed by the boy and flew onto one of the leaves. When it touched a small hair located inside the hinged leaf, the leaf closed shut, trapping the fly inside.

Marty then looked at the bottom of one of the seed bags and found the name of the plant. _Venus's-flytrap…should've guessed. But I thought these could only grow in boggy areas…sheesh, this town **is **insane._

Tom Crook poked his head out of the store. "Are you done yet, Marty?" he asked.

"Almost finished, sir," replied the human. "Why in the world did you give me flytraps, Mr. Crook?"

The shopkeeper grinned. "To keep out the flies, why else?" When his employee cocked an eyebrow, he sighed. "Yes, it's strange that they can grow here. I'm not sure why either. Anyway, please continue until you have all of the plants…well, planted!" Chuckling at his terrible pun, he went back inside his store to continue sorting through his Bells in the register.

For a moment Marty looked around at the tree-infested area, wondering where in the world he was going to plant his three saplings. Then he decided to walk around to find the perfect spots. He set out to the east (in the opposite direction of the main square), hoping to find some open land.

The boy had only taken ten steps when, out of nowhere, a piano fell on him. "My back!" he squeaked as the hefty ebony piano began to crush him flat.

Then a pelican that resembled Pete landed next to him, squawking maniacally. "Hahahahahahaa! Nobody can escape Tweety the Mail-Bird and his rainbow-colored pianos!"

Marty managed to get his head out from under the piano, and he said, "This is an ebony piano, not a rainbow one."

"Did I say rainbow?" the pelican said. "I meant pink! _Pink pianos!"_

The boy screamed in fright as "Tweety" drew a pink piano, which was twice as big as the ebony piano, out of his mailbag. Luckily for him, a green tiger came and pounced on Tweety. Marty freed himself from the crushing piano and darted away while they were occupied.

"Man, this town keeps getting weirder and weirder," he muttered to himself.

Marty walked for about a minute before finding an open, green meadow. Then he took out his saplings and buried them in the ground. Satisfied with his work, he turned and went back to Crook's Cranny, carefully going around the fighting pelican and tiger when he got to them.

"Good job, Marty!" exclaimed Crook as the boy entered the shop. "Now, the next thing I need you to do is deliver a piece of furniture to one of the villagers."

"Hang on a sec!" Marty interrupted. "Whatever happened to meeting everybody in town?"

Crook gave him a creepy look. "Do you _really_ want to meet the townsfolk?"

The boy's eyes widened; the people he had already seen were scary enough! "On second thought, no. No thank you!" he said quickly.

"I thought so. Now, I need you to deliver this lab bench to one of the villagers. He lives right next to the mental hospital…you know, that big white building. Be careful if you have to enter his house."

Marty decided not to ask why to be careful; he honestly didn't want to know. With a nod of acknowledgement, he took the green leaf of furniture and left the store. He had only gone up to the wishing well when another very strange escapade occurred.

He was bending over and staring at the coins in the water when he felt the ground shaking. Two female chipmunks, one purple and one red, ran past him.

"Run for your life, Violet!" screamed the red one. "It's another stampede!"

"Why oh why does this happen every week, Harriet!" Violet the purple chipmunk wailed.

"Don't ask me! And my name is Ruby, not Harriet!"

After slapping his forehead at the pun names, Marty started to call after them, but then he was interrupted by the high-pitched scream of a familiar animal: Tweety the pelican.

"Go, my minions! Find my Precious Ring! Bring the Precious back! My Preciouuuusssss!"

Marty screamed in fright as an army of ten-foot tall teddy bears (that's right, teddy bears) with red eyes, evil grins, and bombs in their right hands marched toward the gate of Insanity, wrecking everything in their way while chanting "Dogs rule, cats drool" for an unknown reason. The human jumped out of their path, their tramping feet missing his shoes by inches.

Tweety landed next to him. "Thought you had seen the last of me, Frodo?" he said with a wicked smile.

"My name is _Marty, _birdbrain, and this isn't _The Lord of the Rings!"_ the boy yelled at him over the noise.

Instead of answering, the mailman tackled him, and the pair rolled away from the scene toward the white building Crook had called the mental hospital. It was there that the green tiger from before attacked Tweety again and chased him off. When they were long gone, Marty stood up and looked at his wounds; he only had some small cuts and bruises—nothing serious. Then he turned around and realized that he was in front of the house that he had to deliver the lab bench to. After gathering up a bit of courage, he timidly knocked on the door.

Instead of the door opening, a small slit in the door opened up, and a pair of eyes peeked through it. "Who goes there?" whispered a voice, which sounded eerily familiar.

"Uumm…I have a delivery from Tom Crook," said Marty.

The person didn't seem to hear him; rather, he talked to himself. "A human! He's perfect for my experiment!"

Marty began to back away from the door. "Uhh, dude, I can hear you, and I don't want to be a guinea pig."

"Oh, dear! Did I talk out loud again? Sorry, I was kidding! Just a joke, you know! I joke a lot! Please, do come in!"

Before he could react, the welcome mat under him suddenly opened into a hidden trapdoor, and Marty fell down into a tunnel. He landed on hard ground in what looked like a laboratory. As he was rubbing his sore rear, a shadowy figure in a lab coat approached him.

"Welcome to my lab, human!" The stranger flicked on a light, and Marty gasped.

"_Dr. Shrunk?"_ he cried.

The creature (I don't know what animal Shrunk is) chuckled. "You are mistaken, friend. I am Dr. Trunk. Dr. Shrunk is my aunt's friend's brother's father's sister's cousin…twice removed, I believe."

The boy stared, completely puzzled.

"I twisted your brain, didn't I? I apologize! Now, what were you saying about a delivery?"

After vigorously shaking his head to rid himself of his jumbled thoughts, Marty took out the lab bench and handed it to the doctor. "Dr. Trunk" brightened upon seeing the item.

"Ah yes! The lab bench I had ordered a week ago! Thank you, dear human!"

"My name is Marty," the boy said, a bit irritated.

"Marty, eh? A very strange name, but not as weird as Trunk, I suppose!"

"Right…"

"Well, now that I have my lab bench, I can perform my experiment!"

Dr. Trunk walked over to a spot in the lab and placed the bench there. After checking it over, he began to connect other machines to it with wires. Then he turned on several computer monitors. Soon the whole room was filled with flashing buttons and beeping screens.

The doctor clapped his hands with joy. "Everything is ready! There is only one more thing I need before I can begin!"

"What is it?"

Trunk answered simply by grabbing Marty with an unbelievable amount of strength and setting him on the lab bench.

"Hey! What the…what are you doing?" the boy yelled as iron restraints were placed over his wrists, ankles, and stomach.

"The experiment I am performing requires a human, my boy," Trunk replied with a maniacal grin. "With my machinery, I am going to attempt to turn you into a monkey!"

Marty gulped. "Why? For the advancement of science?"

"Of course not! I'm doing this for fun! Now be a good boy and hold still; this won't hurt a bit!" Suddenly a bell tolled, and Trunk looked at his watch. "Oh! It's time for my lunch break! I'll be right back!" Without another word, he walked out of the lab and up a staircase, muttering something about cooking llama stew.

"Hey! You can't just leave me down here!" Marty cried. _"Hey! Come back!"_

But he got no answer, and he was forced to lie in Trunk's laboratory and listen to his radio, which was playing the Barney theme song.

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So, did you like it? Was it funny? Like I said earlier, if it isn't, just let me know. I just wanted to experiment with random humor. 

I have no idea when Chapter 7 will be posted, but I can promise that I'll try my hardest to work on it! See you then!


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